DeafAmanda

Tag: Memory

  • Over the Armrest

    Over the Armrest

    As I was thinking about what to write next, one memory came back to me. It made me smile because I still remember it so clearly.

    It happened during one of my flights. I’ve always been weirdly comfortable traveling alone. There’s something freeing about navigating airports, finding my gate, and making my way from one place to another by myself.

    Because I’m Deaf, I was able to board a little earlier than everyone else. It gave me a chance to settle in before the rest of the passengers arrived. I grabbed everything I thought I’d need during the flight from my bag underneath the seat and tucked it into the seat-back pocket. That way, I wouldn’t have to keep reaching underneath my seat throughout the flight.

    A few minutes later, a couple boarded with their beautiful baby, and the father took the seat next to me. Before takeoff, I let him know there might be some turbulence and to be careful so the baby wouldn’t go flying out of their arms. That’s just my motherly instinct kicking in.

    After we took off, I reached into the seat-back pocket and pulled out a word search book I had picked up back in 2023. Since my phone wouldn’t be working and there weren’t any entertainment screens attached to the seats, I came prepared. Then again, growing up as an ’80s kid, I learned how to entertain myself. If my sisters didn’t want to play and I wasn’t interested in watching television, I always found something to do.

    I opened my word search book and started hunting for words, checking them off as I found them. Before I knew it, the father pointed out one I had completely missed. I smiled and circled it. I could tell he was a little nervous about pointing it out, and honestly, I wasn’t expecting anyone to help. To be even more honest, I had no idea he had been looking at my puzzle in the first place.

    After helping me find a few more words, I noticed he seemed to relax. He started enjoying himself, going back and forth between helping me with the puzzle and helping the baby’s mother whenever she needed him.

    I found myself enjoying his help more than I expected. It was the first time anyone had looked over and simply joined in. He already knew I was Deaf because I always tell the people sitting next to me at the beginning of a flight. I don’t want anyone to think I’m ignoring them or mistake my silence for being rude. Once or twice, he’d gently tap my shoulder to let me know the flight attendant was trying to get my attention.

    I appreciated that more than he probably realized. A gentle tap on the shoulder is a respectful way to get a Deaf person’s attention. Communication doesn’t always happen through spoken words. Sometimes it’s writing, texting, gestures, or simply facing the person while speaking at a normal pace. Every Deaf or hard of hearing person communicates differently, so the best thing you can do is be patient and find the method that works best for both of you.

    We flew through quite a few pages together. There was one puzzle where I found a word he had been searching for, and he immediately let me know, “I was trying to find that!” I couldn’t help but laugh. Then there was another word that completely stumped both of us. We searched around and around that puzzle for what felt like five or ten minutes before one of us finally spotted it. We both chuckled when we finally found it. It felt like a little victory.

    At one point during the flight, my back started bothering me, so I shifted around in my seat, trying to get comfortable. When I went back to the puzzle, he even helped hold the book steady while we searched for more words. We just kept checking them off, one after another.

    As we started getting ready to land, I began feeling the familiar pressure building in my ears. I reached for the gum I had tucked into the seat-back pocket before takeoff. Chewing gum has always helped me during takeoff and landing, a little tip my ex shared with me years ago that has almost always worked. This time, though, it wasn’t doing its job. I rubbed my ears, hoping the pressure would ease, but nothing seemed to work.

    Once we landed, we stayed seated while everyone waited to get off the plane. While we were still sitting there, the father typed a message on his phone thanking me. He told me he had a really good time helping with the word search and that it made the flight pass quickly. We talked for another minute before everyone stood up. He gathered his family, and I stayed behind to grab my luggage.

    A little later, after I got into the terminal, I saw him again. He was standing with the baby near the restroom while, I’m assuming, the baby’s mother was inside. As I walked by, I smiled and waved.

    Then I turned my head, looked straight ahead, grabbed my suitcase, and my walking speed immediately picked up. The wheels rattled loudly across the floor as I wove through the crowd. I didn’t care how loud my suitcase was. I made my way through the sea of people until I finally reached the lobby, where I found a place to wait and called my Uber.

    Even though I had flown before 2021, I noticed something about myself. Whenever I’m traveling with someone else, I naturally slow my pace to match theirs. There were a few times in 2023, and again this year in 2026, when I found myself absolutely zooming through the airport. I honestly don’t know why I do that.

    I do know that in 2026, I was heading home to my children.

    Even though they’re adults now, they’ll always be my babies.

    To the dad who shared a word search with me, thank you. I don’t know your name, and maybe I never will. That’s okay.

    I’ll always remember the stranger who shared a word search with me while we flew somewhere above the clouds. It was one of the most enjoyable plane rides I’ve ever had.

    I hope life has been kind to you and your family.

  • The Power of a Promise

    The Power of a Promise

    I wrote this back in Jan 12, 2022.

    This is one of many deep thoughts that I’m willing to share with my readers.

    All-4-One

    ” I was singing in verbal then there are certain songs I would do in ASL / English-ish. I was really paying attention this song and it stop me cold on the phrase “I never make a PROMISE ” The song kept going but my signing stopped at the word promise. I froze. In my memory, it unfold what I saw as a child like it was a movie.

    For the people who truly know me as a person KNOWS that I will not promise to anything. Like L I T E R A L L Y. I will not promise you to do something and have it done. People seems to get frustrated with me and I just flat out refused. I will say I will try but I will not promise.

    Here why –

    During my middle school, I was in gym class and I was watching it unfold before my own eyes. It started between two people yelling at each other in sign language and they were EXTREMELY mad. The hands were seriously flying fast but I understood what they were saying. Before I know it, other students were pushing those two kids apart then other people starts to get mad at other student and it just gets bigger and bigger. Teachers walked back in and stopped the whole thing in instant. Here what happen – One person was promising on something then didn’t act on it. The another person really took it in heart and said ” you promised.” Shortly after that event, I start seeing it in other relationships and people were saying it to me easily like they don’t really meant it. Then this song came and I really connected to that song.

    BE meaningful. Don’t push aside your words. Are you REALLY caring for that person? If not, then why are you continuing speaking to that person? Why are you lingering them on? Why do you keep those toxic people in your lives? Do you really mean EVERY single word you spoke?

    Again, this is why I don’t ” promise ” anything but to my marriage. I promised this man my whole heart and he turned my world upside down. Will I trust next guy? I don’t know if I can.

    If any one I feel are toxic to me or to my life, I will walk away without a word. I will literally disappeared from your life. I have done it to my own family members. I don’t keep them in my lives anymore. Why should I? Yeah, they’re my blood but there is NO reason for those type of people behaved the way they did toward me. None. I also have walked out of my Deaf community LIKE literally. THE IDENTITY of who I am. I have walked away from them for over 15 years. SO… if you do something toxic to me and I feel I’ve given you enough chances, your out. The trust is VERY fragile right now because of what I’m dealing with in my personal life. With EVERYone around me. It doesn’t matter who you are to me.

    The word Promise is something you should ponder on.

    Have a good day. ”

    I also want to add that people have told me that they would promise something as if it was a hand out. I flat out refused to take it from them which truly frustrates them. They have learned that they will not say the word promise to me.

    What are your thoughts on the word, “Promise” and what does it means to you?

    Stay Well,

    IMPORTANT NOTE – I do not claim any photos in this post.

  • Little Bunny Foo Foo

    Little Bunny Foo Foo

    As a a small child, I remember one time when it was beautiful outside. My four sisters and I were playing in the backyard of the apartment we lived in. The yard was pretty flat, with one side that sloped down, making it perfect for small sledding in the winter because there was a fence at the bottom. The hill was probably between 5 to 8 feet slope, but that was enough for us. Since I was a small child, my perception of the hill’s size might be a little off.

    Anyway, I remember playing tags and we were all over in that yard.

    Before I knew it, one of the sisters—though I can’t remember who—ran to the circle that was near the hill I mentioned and started singing. The circle was probably about 5 inches off the ground and was made of rocks of various sizes. It was about 4 feet in diameter, and the middle was filled with soil, where some weeds were growing. I remember there were no flowers or any other plants, just weeds.

    Photo credit to OnSuttonPlace website. I’m just using the photo for references.

    Three of the sisters heard their sibling singing and recognized the song. They ran to the edge of the circle, standing on the rocks, and joined in.

    They were doing the hand gesture that goes with the song and that when I knew it was “Bunny Foo Foo.” I didn’t have the song memorized so I just stood there and watch. I was enjoying watching all my sisters faces were smiling so huge. In the end, it was happy voices that was shared by my sisters.

    That day keep appearing in my memory because it was one of the rarest moment that we were all together and JUST …. happy.

    I had to hunt down the lyric and here the song that my sisters sang …

    NOTE * Sing it like melodically similar to “Itsy Bitsy Spider” song.

    — LYRIC of Little Bunny Foo Foo —

    Little Bunny Foo Foo,
    Hopping through the forest,
    Scooping up the field mice,
    And bopping them on the head.

    Down came the Good Fairy, and she said,

    “Little Bunny Foo Foo,
    I don’t want to see you,
    Scooping up the field mice
    And bopping them on the head.”
    “I’ll give you three chances,
    And if you don’t behave,
    I’m gonna turn you into a goon!“

    Little Bunny Foo Foo,
    Hopping through the forest,
    Scooping up the field mice,
    And bopping them on the head.

    Down came the Good Fairy, and she said,

    “Little Bunny Foo Foo,
    I don’t want to see you,
    Scooping up the field mice
    And bopping them on the head.”
    “I’ll give you two chances,
    And if you don’t behave,
    I’m gonna turn you into a goon!“

    Little Bunny Foo Foo,
    Hopping through the forest,
    Scooping up the field mice,
    And bopping them on the head.

    Down came the Good Fairy, and she said,

    “Little Bunny Foo Foo,
    I don’t want to see you,
    Scooping up the field mice
    And bopping them on the head.”
    “I’ll give you one chances,
    And if you don’t behave,
    I’m gonna turn you into a goon!“

    I gave you three chances,
    And you didn’t behave,
    And now I’m gonna turn you into a goon.

    POOF!

  • City Rain Perfumed Memories

    City Rain Perfumed Memories

    I was living in Providence, Rhode Island as a small child at the time. The murky yellow and icky brown colored apartment was at the intersection.

    We hear sirens constantly to the point where they becomes a background noise. Cars, motorcycles, buses, and random trucks becoming comforting because it entertaining me by watching people doing their thing. I do remember hating motorcycles because how loud they could get in the summer; I am fascinated by the motorcycle artwork designs. There were constant foot traffic on the sidewalk below because there was a convenience store underneath of my apartment. There were a Fish and Chip restaurant at the another side of the intersection that we would order dinner there whenever my mother was not in the mood to cook which is very rare for us. Occasionally, we would hear airplanes, and helicopters flying above us from the nearby airports.

    On rainy days, the street would sometimes oddly quiet down. The smell of the rain was refreshing during summer, yet at the same time gloomy. As a child, I wasn’t allowed to play outside in the rain, but it provided a nice break from the humidity and heat since we didn’t have air conditioning; we relied on open windows for a cooling breeze. On sunny days, my sister, K and I would hook up the hose to cool ourselves down in the backyard and make games out of it.

    Whenever the nature decide to pour rain in Providence, I would stand at bay window staring out of right side window for an hour or two. I’d be silent, watching the street below or into the distance, my mind just calmed to no thoughts at times. I would hunt down rain drops to watch, or the water overflowing from gutters from different houses, the impact of rain hitting the vehicles passing by or random rooftops. It capture my attention just watching while I can hear out of my hearing aids on how heavy to the lightness pour from the open sky.

    There has been times my family would call my name several times until they had to shout to get my attention. The entrance of the house was maybe a foot away from me, so there has been visitors that came in without me noticing. The vibration, the sounds behind me, and whatever was happening behind me didn’t capture my attention until I look around me to see what was going on. I cannot count how many times I would ask what time it was and realized so much time had passed; It often feel like it was only 10 to 15 minutes. The rain has calming effects on me and that apartment is only place I can remember I would go into that zone.

    Rainy night were the best. The gentle breeze and the cool night air helped to cool down the apartment. I enjoy rainy weather and would grin as I breathed in at bedtime.

    Have you experience a moment like this with the raining zone?

    Photo Credit – Photos posted here are not mine.