As a a small child, I remember one time when it was beautiful outside. My four sisters and I were playing in the backyard of the apartment we lived in. The yard was pretty flat, with one side that sloped down, making it perfect for small sledding in the winter because there was a fence at the bottom. The hill was probably between 5 to 8 feet slope, but that was enough for us. Since I was a small child, my perception of the hill’s size might be a little off.
Anyway, I remember playing tags and we were all over in that yard.
Before I knew it, one of the sisters—though I can’t remember who—ran to the circle that was near the hill I mentioned and started singing. The circle was probably about 5 inches off the ground and was made of rocks of various sizes. It was about 4 feet in diameter, and the middle was filled with soil, where some weeds were growing. I remember there were no flowers or any other plants, just weeds.
Photo credit to OnSuttonPlace website. I’m just using the photo for references.
Three of the sisters heard their sibling singing and recognized the song. They ran to the edge of the circle, standing on the rocks, and joined in.
They were doing the hand gesture that goes with the song and that when I knew it was “Bunny Foo Foo.” I didn’t have the song memorized so I just stood there and watch. I was enjoying watching all my sisters faces were smiling so huge. In the end, it was happy voices that was shared by my sisters.
That day keep appearing in my memory because it was one of the rarest moment that we were all together and JUST …. happy.
I had to hunt down the lyric and here the song that my sisters sang …
NOTE * Sing it like melodically similar to “Itsy Bitsy Spider” song.
— LYRIC of Little Bunny Foo Foo —
Little Bunny Foo Foo, Hopping through the forest, Scooping up the field mice, And bopping them on the head.
Down came the Good Fairy, and she said,
“Little Bunny Foo Foo, I don’t want to see you, Scooping up the field mice And bopping them on the head.” “I’ll give you three chances, And if you don’t behave, I’m gonna turn you into a goon!“
Little Bunny Foo Foo, Hopping through the forest, Scooping up the field mice, And bopping them on the head.
Down came the Good Fairy, and she said,
“Little Bunny Foo Foo, I don’t want to see you, Scooping up the field mice And bopping them on the head.” “I’ll give you two chances, And if you don’t behave, I’m gonna turn you into a goon!“
Little Bunny Foo Foo, Hopping through the forest, Scooping up the field mice, And bopping them on the head.
Down came the Good Fairy, and she said,
“Little Bunny Foo Foo, I don’t want to see you, Scooping up the field mice And bopping them on the head.” “I’ll give you one chances, And if you don’t behave, I’m gonna turn you into a goon!“
I gave you three chances, And you didn’t behave, And now I’m gonna turn you into a goon.
I wrote few recent heavy stuff and it wasn’t intent to be that way to be one after another. I had to step back and really sit down with my emotions a little bit. I was also giving myself some needed love.
I just want to take a minute and tell you that I am okay. I’ve been watching a bit of Lethal Weapon TV show lately. That show is little funny. I don’t use paid streaming service anymore. So what tv show or movie that would you recommend me to watch?
In the month of August, I ran to ER because half of my face was swollen when I woke up one morning. I am also dealing with fraud cases which I’m currently consulting with experts. I know it was not a great month but I am okay. Just another hurtle to jump over.
Most recent photo of Ash
My Ash has been a little goof and he would cuddle with me whenever he sense that I needed a “hug.” Ash has very expressive face. I grew up with cats and I’ve never met more expressive than Ash. I’ve receive his DNA result and I am honestly surprised with the results. At the same time, it makes totally sense because no app or anyone could seem to identify exactly what breed he was. He is a combo of several things but the top four is that he is Broadly Western, Maine Coon, American Shorthair, and Ragdoll.
So expressive. That just melt my heart.
One last thing before I hop off because my oldest just asked me to join in an activity.
Happy ” belated ” Birthday, Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Your birthday was few days ago. I hope you had a great day catching fish where-ever your at.
As summer ends and cold temperature will be here before we know it. Today, I’ve been reflecting on the definition of “family” in light of the upcoming holidays.
According to Google, family is defined as “a group of people related to one another by blood or marriage” and can also refer to “friends and family who provide support.”
Unfortunately, I don’t feel supported by many family members. Instead, I often encounter with silence until they wanted something from me, ghosting, criticism without constructive guidance, a dismissive ‘I know what I’m talking about’ attitude, eye-rolling, and comments like ‘you should have listened,’ all accompanied by a general negative vibe. Many people have doubted the stories I’ve shared, but when they see the evidence I present, their attitude shifts.
I have became fearful, unsure, low self-esteem, outspoken, frustrated, not being heard, very angry, rebellion, repeated the cycle of the same-ness situation that seem to be showing up over and over during my growing up. Honestly, looking back at my past, I dislike her so much to the point, it disgust me looking at myself in the mirror. However, I also recognize that some of my past behavior was understandable given the circumstances.
IknowI am a human being and mistakes will be and has been made.
What I know now moving forward, I am and I have been making a lot of progress in my personal growth. In my previous state, I had an amazing support system. There was several different people sat down with me bringing certain things about me or the situation to my attention saying that isn’t right. Here what you can do if this is something you would like to do and they gave me options. What I discovered about myself is to talk them out then seeing what fits me best helps to shape my choices that I was willing to make. Understanding my past self has helped me identify behaviors I want to avoid.
So, as a supporter to myself and to my children, and as a family unit, I am taking what I know now and continuing moving forward, making an effort to become a better person both to those around me and in the cyber world and to be a better Momma. I plan to hold myself accountable and recognize that change is an ongoing process. I understand that evolving and improving is a continuous journey.
It’s never too late to make changes, regardless of your age. I want to encourage everyone to reflect on what type of person they want to be and consider the changes they are willing to make for themselves and those around them.
I will admit, I looked around to see what would be a great question to answer and this shows up. Ooh. That is a tough question.
My immediate answer is: Momma.
I can’t exactly remember how old I was when I someday wanted to be a Mom and I actually grew up thinking I wouldn’t be a Mom. I always believe that I wasn’t on anybody radar to be a friend with. Well, I have two beautiful children and I had almost 20 years relationship with this guy who is no longer in my life today. I thank him wholeheartedly for giving me two beautiful children. (Note: I want to acknowledge the parenting of the children upbringing, I cannot speak for him. I can only speak for myself and me only. ) My children are so different from each other and they have some same interests. Their relationships with each other is something I am so proud of because they have stronger relationship with each other than I had with some of my sisters. Its like… I did that. I have had people coming to me saying “Wow, your children are so polite. How did you do that?” Well, I was their role model and I had to display whatever I say, I show the same. For example if I tell my children not to swear then I don’t do it either. You know the motto “Monkey Sees, Monkey Do” I actually made it to my own, “Kids Sees, Kids Do.” and that motto for me worked.
I also applied / poured into my children that quote and they would rolls their eyes at me when they got to pre-teen ages but they still applied it to their life today “Treat Others The Way You Wanted To Be Treated.” I really poured so much of that because I was badly bullied growing up and I tolerated none of that from my children. My children are VERY aware because they did test me and regretted that decision.
Everyone is unique in your own way. Whatever weakest may be someone else’s strongest may help you, and teaches you. Your strongest skills may help others and use that to teach them. That is another one I applied on my children.
So, back to the question, What I like about myself. Ha. Umm. For a long time, I’ve been told I was non-judgemental person but a uptight person. Well, I was uptight because I was being bullied about what I looked like, my upbringing, I was liar, I was paranoid, I was this and that. No one seems to understand I am who I am. There were many times I wasn’t lying. I was only speaking of my own truth and what I saw. I may hear things differently or saw something that you guys did not see. Of course, I may read things (body language, the situation, and of course, conversation) differently than you would have. I am me. Now I sound dumb because I now ask for clarify on things. I now trying to stop assuming things. “Oh, You Know” No I don’t know because your experiences and your point of view is largely different than mine. I don’t know. I want YOU to tell me. So yea, I sounded stupid but honestly, at this point of my life, I don’t care if I sounded that way because I am learning.
I had very limited social life for several years so I was pretty shut off from the world because I either choose to and/or I had limited choices at that time of my life. Social skills are something I will openly admit, I suck. at. it. And I need help. I’m learning daily. As a Deaf person, I can speak but I don’t know how to start the conversation sometimes and/or even control the conversation. I’m just awkward in that area. I’m noticing in the past few couple years but more so, recently now speaking to people outside of my home that I was not very clear on what I wanted to say. I am noticing that I was half-clear and it has cause several misunderstanding which I take accountability for. I do wish people have bring it to my attention. I would very much like people to WANT to clarify things with me to make sure that we are on the same page.
So, what do I like about myself – again, its Mom. I dealt with so much bullying in my childhood from school and even at home. I felt I was pretty push aside at home and events that we, as a family, went to. I am the fifth child and the baby of the five girls so its understandable that they had their lives. As a fifth child, there are several things that I strongly believe plays roles in my relationships and honestly, that shouldn’t have been the reasons. There is good chance that it wasn’t intent to be that way but on my end, I see it daily. Even my own children sees something was off in my relationships and they came to me with their own feelings which validate so much of my growing up. When I expressed those feelings and I was told, that was all in my head and yet, my own children are feeling the same exact emotions I felt. I’ll openly say that I actually cried for them and for myself for dealing with this and we should not have to.
I was searching my own identity. I really did have that black hole .. uhh, a missing puzzle piece that I felt was big enough – bigger than me that I felt was needed to be answered. Few years ago, I found that puzzle piece and I’m happy to report that I felt more calmer. Questions around that piece has the 75 percent answered but if those 25 percent wouldn’t be answered in my lifetime, that is okay because the big question I was searching for is done. Thank you DNA.
Umm.. So, what do I like about myself – ha. I’m just another human being. I’m no one special. Why do anyone wants to hang with me? Honestly, I don’t know. So yea, family and friends – Surprise. I do feel this strongly about myself. This is partly why I’m here away from home to discover myself and I’m on a journey to find me as me. I don’t need my childhood BS to control me. The drama is crap. Seriously, why upset on every bitty things. Spending time with someone you love should be more than that. The anger and the hidden truth … it steals the person and keeping them from who they could have become. It has stole me. For a long time. But I will not deal with the BS. I’m so done with that.
I’m learning to listen more. I’m trying so hard to keep my mouth shut and listen. That is SO much needed in the today world. There are so many people seeking validation. I’m one of them. I admit.
I’m going to stop right now. I’m feeling a lot right now. To my family and friends, I love you. To my children, you are the reason I am still breathing today to the deepest core of my being. ❤ I am proud to be your Momma. I love you.
My Friend, Laura have came in my life when she walked into the classroom I was in during high school days. Now, in the Deaf school that I was attending, everybody knows everybody so if there is a new person comes in, we immediately know about it. There is no secret so if you tries to hide a secret, good luck maintaining that unless you kept your mouth shut or in this case, don’t use sign language anywhere in that building or to anybody. You know the saying, in the small town, there are no secrets because somebody knows something, it is pretty almost identical in the Deaf school environment.
My immediate judgement of her book-cover was that she was quiet but a little snob. As a high schooler, I would get information from other friends pretty much bad-mouthing about her and things that she have done to other friends, I didn’t agreed with. After that, I stay polite but pretty much stayed away from her. That is pretty much the extend of my friendship during high school.
Years goes by, Laura was dating with this guy who happen to have same name as my former-husband, Daniel. I actually do not remember if I start talking to her again before or after I had my 2nd child but I’m starting to believe it was after I had my 2nd child. I was married at the time. Laura was trying to form a family of her own at the time. We somehow linked up through social media and just started talking through private messages.
Laura living in Florida while I pretty much bouncing between states because of my husband’s (at the time) work, so without listing them all, I’ll list the last two, Massachusetts which is east coast of USA, then currently, in Illinois are in central-ish northern part of USA. My divorce to my husband has happened in Massachusetts and I personally decided to move to Illinois. Anyway, before Laura and I became close, we had to clear up some air to have a better understanding what happen during the high school days. Once we did that and shortly after, Laura and I were faced with some heavy life stuff ourselves and we just happen to be there during those moments. We share many comforts in knowing that we journey certain things in life together miles apart and experiencing them unexpectedly months of each other. There was some hardships, laughing moments, crying, sadness, smiling, memory down the lane stories, in your face truth, feedbacks, opinions, motherly nagging being thrown in there somewhere, hard decisions making, and honestly, I cannot ask a better friend than Laura. This beautiful soul, Laura experienced her own pregnancies, and birth of her children and the life trials was thrown at her is something I would admire her for, the bravery and the struggle to keep putting one foot in front of another.
Laura and I tried our own home-businesses personally to try to create some money flow. We tried our couponing website together when it becomes a big thing during that time. There was death in families, animals we love, and school staffs/students since high school days – we were able to be there when we could in the cyber world. Laura kept in touch with certain people from the school days start to realized that Laura has a direct contact with me, trying to reach me which I choose to denied my relationship with these people. Laura and I can go for months without contact then linked up like we had been chatting daily all along.
Laura and I in summer, 2015 while my mini-family stopped by during our trip to Disney.
I was honestly stunned and surprise to find out I was invited to Laura and Justin’s wedding. And to find out I was the only person from the school to be invited, I was floored. For some reason, I always thought she had a stronger friendship relationship with someone else and I wouldn’t be invited. It is something that I personally struggle with because I’ve always felt I wasn’t a great friend to anyone. So being asked was a great honor to attend and witness the most treasure moment between two beautiful people becoming as one will not be something I would forget.
First thing first, Thank you, Laura, for being there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry after discovering a beautiful human being has passed away during my traveling and giving me the hugs I most needed when I arrived. That was totally unexpected news to receive during my traveling. I love you, Laura. Thank you. The wedding itself was beautiful. It was done in a local galaxy space and their set up was perfect. Laura’s dress was perfect. Laura was beautiful. I must say Justin was very handsome. I am very glad to meet Justin in person and see what he is like. I can see why Laura is in love and I’m .. I can’t put it in words because from what I saw in Laura in high school days then pre-wedding seeing her being in love is … word-less, but galaxy of priceless sight to see. Those giggles you both share. Hand holding moments. Just beautiful. It is something I would forever cherish the memory input in my brain.
I thank you Laura and I’m truly am bless to have you in my life being my best friend. I treasure you and I appreciate you. I love you, Laura.
Oh, Hi Dory! Nice to meet you, beautiful blue fishy.
I have been dunking and/or pulled under in the water several times a year for more than 10 years now. It starts with mild stages as it increase the intensity before I realized I was gulping in some water.
I am not going to stop swimming.
I refuse to allow let shark bites, jelly fish stings and peacock mantis shrimp punches stopping me from swimming and stay above the water.
But…
I am so tired. I want to sleep. My energy is diminishing to nothing. No. I must keep swimming because I have people who needs me at the shore. I got to keep my eyes open and keep going. I have people who supported me, carried me on their shoulders when I needed it the most. Keep on swimming is what I’ll shall do.
The pictures are taken at Cape Cod areas in Massachusetts. They are my photos I took.
One day, I’ll be able to sit on the sand, with a big gulp of air as the water dripping off me. Heart races will continue to slow as I grasp the air filling up into my lungs. The body shakes slowly slowed as my brain seems to grasp the fact that I’m sitting on the warm gritty sands. Sun shining against my skin as it warmed. Taking in the sight of beautiful green leaves on the trees depending on where I land in the world. The buildings surrounding the trees line. As I look back at the water as it touches the beautiful soft blue sky. I grab my knees close to my chest and look back at the water and see how much I’ve swim across the ocean.
I am not going to stop swimming because I know one day, I’ll be able to stand at the shoreline screaming “I made it!” at the top of my lungs.
There were articles and interviews that you’ve shared about yourself, Jonathan. It was no secret that I’ve shared in the last post, I used that to my advantage while your just sitting there probably (I’m only assuming ) thinking, “Who is THIS person writing stuff about me?!” I will agree that it is pretty creepy that I have access to information while you did not have mine unless you somehow have federal level of accessing to people’s confidential. Anyway, I will try to share bits about me and maybe some vulnerability parts of me here.
Written on July 4, 2024 insert -> This post might be good for my children to read in the future to learn a little bit more about me. There are certain things I am sharing here that I realized I have not shared that with them. <- Ends
So, who’s writing that stuff online …
Hello! I am Amanda. I was welcomed into the world in Rhode Island, on August 2, 1983. The anxious eyes of Robert and Natalie are shining bright of my arrival. what was waiting for me at home are my four oldest sisters: Jennifer, Lori, Emilly, and Katherine (Katie), who was fathered by a different man. I was the fifth child for my mother, Natalie and the third biological child of my biological father, Robert. My biological father had two other children, Robert Jr and Rebecca with another woman before meeting my mother. My mother’s relationship with my father did not last very long after my arrival. There are many details that have happened in that relationship is not something I would share public. It is very sensitive topic for my family whenever I bring up my biological father.
Discovering my Deafness
I was told there was a family birthday party, an aunt of mine was calling for my attention but I never turn around. I was about a year and half years old, give or take. People who were at the party became very puzzled at my non-responding attention. A male voice that was in another direction of the room called my name and I turn my attention to him. Several family members told my mother to have my hearing checked out at a local Deaf school. As an adult, my family and I have came up with few possibilities that may have caused my deafness and we accepted that we will never know the actual cause. My whole family can hear. My mother would argue with me that her mother was deaf in 1 ear.
Speaking of my deafness, I can speak English pretty well enough that people have made comment on how well I speak and yes, I do wear hearing aids. I feel more at ease when I speak in ASL (America Sign Language). Quick note, you know how hearing people get those tone accent across the America and in the world, yea its pretty much the same in ASL. There are certain signing that one word for example pizza would sign certain way in Texas while people in Rhode Island would signed it entirely different.
Childhood years
I used to enjoy being on the swings in the school playground because it felt like I could fly when the breeze hit my face and I closed my eyes. I often hopped off the swings, but one day, I ended up injuring my knee, which sent me to the nurse’s office. It was pretty bloody due to the rocks in the playground, but that didn’t stop me from hopping back on the swings afterward.
I also loved the merry-go-round at the playground. Many kids would beg me to push it because apparently, I was pretty fast. I even partnered up with an older, bigger kid who was probably two grades above me, if I remember correctly. I do recall flying on that thing often, gripping the bar as if my life depended on it. Kids would call me ‘road-runner,’ and I was oddly proud of that. (Laughing)
In my school years, I enjoyed a wide range of activities including swimming in pools and at the beach, running and walking on city sidewalks or in the woods, playing basketball and track, biking around the city, reading children’s fiction books from Nancy Drew to Goosebumps, comic books, and teen magazines, window shopping, having sleepovers, going to movies, listening to music so loud that we could feel the vibrations in the car, traveling through New England, camping, game nights, and much more.
Every year in the summer, my mother and my step-father would buy those sodas for us to drink so my sisters and my stomach were nausea from drinking them in very short time. We use the soda cans for a discounts program that was offered at Riverside Park in Agawam, Massachusetts. We would spend the whole day there. I was always looking forward to what ride we will be riding next and I would jump in the long, LONG waiting lines just to get on certain rollercoasters. I remember one summer as a child, I somehow had crayons and coloring book with me to color while we were traveling from hotel to the park. I had to leave it behind in the car because the park does not allowed it. The night time rolls in and the park was closing, we found one green/blueish color crayon melted to the backseat and still there after 30 something years. Whoops!
Those photos were from 1990s. The picture of me on the couch was taken during my high school one weekend. I have 4 oldest sisters, and one of the sisters had her own family. She needed someone to watch her 2 babies over the weekend or visiting. I took care of my sister’s boys for the weekends without a miss for 2 years straight.
OH! Let’s not forget about the yearly Haunted Houses trips I had with my step-father and my sisters in the month of October. My mother refuse to join us. Once I found out or realized that the workers at the haunted house were not allowed to touch tourist during my junior high years, I would stare at them letting them know they weren’t scaring me in the most non-verbal way. They really took that as a challenge. Once they realized they couldn’t scare me, its almost like they called people up ahead to try because they weren’t successful. Still to this day, I have no idea if they have. (( Burst in laughter )) I think it’s partial to my Deaf eyes because I saw them ahead of time and knew where they try to camo-sneak or hiding in the dark but I was able to detect their movement.
Bullying at the Deaf school had been an ongoing issue since elementary years but it was slowly getting worsened, in high school. It starting with put-down pretty often, labeling and the name-calling, which leads to hiding my backpack once.
During my high school days, I would say I was very bitter and rebellious at home. That rebellious behavior starting to spread from my home to mainstream schools then everything else in my life. (For those unfamiliar with what mainstream schooling means, it means I spent half the day at a local hearing school that offers programs for Deaf students, and the other half at a Deaf school. )
I experience various of abuse depending on who I was around at the time. I was suffering and I kept a lot of that in silent. Looking back now, I definitely dodging questions and refuse to tell the truth and/or I didn’t realized this situation was the main reason for the way I’ve behaved.
During spring sport season, a coach wanted me to run in I can’t remember which one now in one of the games. I took off first and I was pretty much passing everyone. I looked over at certain point on the track and I saw a different coaches jumped and start screaming my name like she was in pure shocked at how fast I was running. I also saw my teammates was signing, “GO! GO! GO!” At the end of the lap, I was barely breathing and I had hard time catching up to the first who flew passed me. The school team kept encouraging me to finish the first place but I was not successful. There was people on that team had no idea how athletic I was. That was one of rare moments I was proud of myself during my high school years.
My activities for several summers, I would go bike rides in a nearby park that are looped 3 miles and I would sometime looped it twice then come home to jump in the swimming pool. After I was done with swimming in the pool as the sky starts to dark a little bit, I would hunt down friends to hang out with and we tend to go to the mall or hanging at someone’s house to finish my night.
There are other days where I just walk and walk around the loops and/or I would play basketball by myself whenever the basketball court was empty. After that, I would go home and jump in the pool to swim or go straight with friends. If there was no friends to hang out with, I would settle down with a movie or two to watch. I was very constant on the move, I tend to go with the flow and if there is something that someone wants to do, I’m in. There are times I will reject whenever I’m not in the mood and/or interested.
There was a hearing guy who was nearly 10 years older than I was. We became friends originally online then met in real life at my school. My school was hosting a public event for anyone to come and watch the performance is where he and I met for the first time. I was casted for a last minute request because an actor couldn’t make it that night, as an redcoat soldier that comes in and destroyed a home. This guy befriended the Deaf people I interact with daily basis. I do feel he brain-washed them. I would say he caused a lot of trauma, stalking, and … all I can say it was bad. The people I grew up with stop believing my stories and believed him instead. I felt my safety was endangered and I couldn’t continue. My mental state at the time did lead into a very dark place.
The Adult Me
I am not sure what to share because I definitely went through good sizeable amounts of hardships in my 40s years of life on this earth.
My stepfather during my childhood years and my mother became divorced. There was no need to add any more comment on this.
This park, Riverside Park that I mentioned earlier was renamed to New England Six Flags. There was one summer that I attended with few friends of mine, one of my sisters and I spotted each other there not knowing we planned the same day. She, as far I thought and remember was one brave sisters to hop on crazy rollercoaster. I decided to up the intensity of the rollercoaster and she didn’t go on it. I was shocked. The ride was called, Twister. So while sitting in the ride as it took off. I watched my sister’s acting like whatever. The music was blaring so loud that I was enjoying myself. The day was amazing up to that point. The lights of the park turns on as the sun was setting. I danced. My sister’s jaw dropped open and signed, “You better get your hands on that seat!” At that moment, I laughed and I didn’t care if anyone thought I was bad dancer. I was just purely enjoying myself. Other people who were just waiting for their love ones start pointing at me and start talking about me in either in awe and/or like I was crazy one. I thought that was a interesting mixture of reactions. I knew I was safe because I’ve gone on that ride for countless time and never had a single issue for years.
Six Flags have expanding their park in recent years. I have not gone there for few years now. If I had to choose favorites, there were a couple rides that I enjoy so much but unfortunately, the park no longer has them today. Twister <- Link ( This video credit by Deepak Sharma. Thank you Deepak for sharing your video on YouTube.) and Rotor rides (Thank you The Red Coaster Channel for sharing the video.) are the two rides that are no longer running in New England Six Flags. If I had to choose rides that are currently operating there right now, I would have to go with Superman rollercoaster.
2002 This snap of my first feeding the deer and I was little nervous in this photo.
The photo above. I met another online hearing man. I would say, he saved my life because if he did not, I had planned my death at age of 18. I really did. I had letters laid out. I figured out the date I wanted and how I was going to have it done. This man came into my life a week prior of my set-date death and saw something in me which I have no idea what it is. He had no idea that I was planning to end my life until several weeks later because I out-of-blue told him thank you. He then saw my struggles and he was very patient as he showered me the lightness of the life. He has SO much compassion and understanding.
Around the same time, my mother met another man, Joseph K and I was not having it. I was going through something, and this man step in fully as a father figure I needed. After that, our relationship as father and daughter developed into love and respect for one another. One Halloween party that they’ve hosted, He love challenging children at his station of hoopla hoops. I was able to watch him interacting with the children and as I could see was upping each other. I was assigned to cookies decorating station. The children were enjoying the cookies more than decorating. My mother did what she did best, cooking and baking those delicious foods that was laid out on the table inside the house so we could nibble anytime we get hungry. We were all in costumes: adults and children. There was lot of laughter, screaming, praises, and a whole lotta running for those kids. Those kids slept extremely well that night with a biggest smiles on their faces.
The prison costume – I had short underneath because the pant that it came with was super long. I am only a hair under 5ft and that pant is probably perfect for someone who is 6ft tall.
My father, Joseph, has the love for crossword and gets 2 more for my mother and my 2nd oldest sister, Lori to compete against each other. He would get ice cream bowl every night before bed. Whenever my sisters and I would drink those one particular kind beverage – he gets the strawberries infused with alcohol in it. Anytime I was in the mood to play scrabble game with them, he would sit down and get ready to challenge words anytime he could. It was truly amazing and I’m extremely grateful that I could call him my Dad. I am truly honor to know him and I am eternally grateful that my children knew him. That man fought hard against cancer to stay alive and be with us for 2 years battle.
Let me regain the compose of myself for a minute, please. I’m in tears because I truly do miss that man.
He lost his fight in 2014. Even though, it has been 10 years, it feels like yesterday when I walked into that room and saw him taking his last breaths. It truly felt like he was calling me that day and waited until I walked into that room. It is like he wanted me to be with my mother. To give her support that she truly needed at that moment.
My mother and I in 2004
“Two weeks after my father passed away, my youngest child ended up in the doctor’s office because I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. From that visit onward, it became a nightmare from which I couldn’t seem to wake up for 11 months. My son underwent a series of tests to determine the cause of his illness. Not a single doctor at Boston Hospital or his primary doctor could pinpoint the problem.
During that time, all the energy I could have used to grieve for my father shifted to caring for my son and trying to keep him as comfortable as possible. Eventually, my son’s health slowly improved. Looking back, the travel we undertook for medical care amounted to driving from Plymouth, Massachusetts, to Florida and back twice over the course of those 11 months.
Even though I was still terrified, I was starting to come term with everything, my partner came downstair to my craft room one night to tell me that he wasn’t happy. You can imagine how my world flipped under me, I can’t seem to keep my feet on the ground. I …. I was crushed. The relationship between him and I did not improve for few years.
One December night, my ex and I had a huge verbal fight, and I felt he had crossed the line. I walked away from that fight and locked myself in the bedroom. I listened to the rain pounding against the skylight. It was cold. Freezing. I was screaming in my own mind that my children needed me and that he wasn’t going to take my life away. I was determined to stay alive no matter what because my children need me to guide them through whatever phases come in their lives.
Somehow, I ended up on the bedroom floor in the dark and I was crawling to grab my backpack to pack. I don’t remember how, but somehow I got on a video call with a truly amazing woman who is well into her 70s. As the screen become live, as I watch her face turn into terror by the sight of me then screaming at me to call police. (Note: In the end of the night, I did not call the police. ) To my friend, I am SO sorry for terrifying you that night, but I am SO grateful that you had a feeling that you needed to reach out and give me the support I needed.
I went to the hospital a couple of days later after talking with my counselor who instantly knew something was very wrong. I instantly became homeless that day in 2020 during the coronavirus pandemic.
I dressed up for a date with husband in 2016 trying to rekindle the relationship. First trip to Oklahoma on my own post-divorce in 2022. The business trip to Oklahoma was during my homeless days. Green dress as my 40th birthday in Canada in 2023. Red shirt with black chocker was my valentine set up for a date in Massachusetts. The black outfit with black lipstick was my vampire costume on Halloween day surprising the local Barbershop friends in Massachusetts.
During my year of homelessness, I found myself in the kitchen making cookies for others. It was calming and it relieves the negative emotions that I was going through at the moment. This habit continued into my first apartment until I decided it was time to move out of Massachusetts due to layers of reasons.
Today..
Today, I am in IL in an apartment with my adult children back in my arms. My children and I adopted two beautiful cats in Jan, 2024 who just keep us laughing constantly.
My kitty, Ash is grey colored one. Ash’s name came from one of my favorite tv show called, Supernatural. The black cat is own by my oldest child who named him Calcifer from the movie, “Howl’s Moving Castle”
Random bits about Amanda
I have two children who were born in 2003 during blizzard and 2005. I also have another child who lost his heartbeat in 2009 while I was four months pregnant. The lost of my child had led my doctor to my medical discovery. A month after losing my 3rd baby, my 2nd child had to be operation for a medical condition that he was being monitored since he was in my womb. Today, that medical condition from that operation is no longer an issue.
I censored my oldest baby in protecting my child. This photo was taken around 2005.
My dream was to be a mom and I’m loving every moment of it.
I am a godmother of a beautiful woman. I am co-godmother with another best friend of mine of a beautiful little boy.
As a kid, I wanted to become police officer then change my decision to become nurse then I decided that I was better off being a Mom. At one point in my life, I did thought about becoming a teacher but I didn’t feel I was good enough.
If there was some kind of a world disaster event that I was only allowed to have 1 dish, it would have to be stir-fries because I can play with the base such as rice and noodle for example. I can play with veggies and meat of my choosing.
My childhood favorite cookies would be Chocolate Chip Cookies.
People who knows me personally KNOWS that I am addicted to Supernatural television show. Even though, Supernatural have ended their 15th seasons, still to this day, I have not watched 2nd part of the 15th seasons in 2020. I just can’t bring myself to watch it.
I do not know when Supernatural started their filming date but there is a good chance that my son was born the same day and my boy was born at nighttime.
I am in self-discovery journey. I am single now.
I received my first passport in 2023 then flown out of USA to Canada during July – August. And this is also the year that I traveled the most.
In my adult life, I’ve lived in six different states.
During my high school years, I was told I was an uptight bitch, but those same people also said I am not judgmental.
I am not high school graduate. There was several circumstances around my supposedly graduating year. There are more to this story that I choose not to share here. I choose not to go back to school. For now.
Children book that I’ve read as a child that was impactful would have to be Yellow Fever by Laurie Halse Anderson and The Face of the Milk Carton by Caroline B. Cooney
I was asked and/or encouraged by several people to write my story on hardships that I’ve experience. There are more I have gone through that I did not listed here. I am choosing to keep those quiet.
This photo was at a local library in Massachusetts It was October, 2021.
So this is me who have been writing your stuff online. Now that I got those written out, I have my stomach in knots and I will be honest with you, I’m terrified. I am terrified of what people think of my letter to Jonathan Taylor Thomas and this crazy heavy stuff I share on here about myself.
Before I change my mind, let me get this posted and keeping my word ….
Hello Jonathan,
Nice to meet you. Are you okay? If you aren’t, I am sending you hugs vibes to your way.
DeafAmanda 