Today is June 23rd and I felt the need to type to keep my mind occupied. There was so much have happened in June. I figure I would get ahead while I can.

I have been going to physical therapy weekly for my sciatica. For several days, finally I am happy to report I’m off the pain medication which was my main goal and not feeling pain anymore. There are days, I can feel it hinting but it hasn’t gone worst so I’ll take that.

I recently found out that my sisters’ father isn’t doing well and is pretty much ending of his life. I find myself sad. I am sad for my sisters and I’m sad for myself because this is the man who welcomed me into his home when I was a small child whenever my sisters go for their visits. I remember 4th of July – we would walk to the end of the street and just watch parades then at night, we would sneak few fireworks before police were called. I remember my sisters’ grandmother has this beautiful flowers and plants in her backyard so my 4th oldest sister and I would play tag or hide and seek. We would have a blast together there.

Today, I find myself telling a guy about his beautiful eyes. I was able to describe it and he was blushing at that. I don’t recall ever describing anything like this to anyone expect writing it down in reports or whatever in school requirements. I felt my writing here has starting to spread into my daily language. I am very happy with that because I’ve always felt I got something more to say.

I’m also noticing that I would say certain things that would get people’s eyes perk up and was very interested in what I have to say because of my mindset that I’ve set up for myself. I normally kept those quiet but lately, I don’t give a damn. The people who wants to discuss what I have to say would stay around while others walk away. Its kinda like picking a favorite color of your crayons and everyone has different taste. I find myself making the efforts to describe, explain, and detailing the picture so other people would know what I’m trying to say when I didn’t have the correct word.

In Twitch, in the past 2 or 3 weeks now, I’ve ramped up my interaction with different people and exposing myself to new people. I’ve met amazing new people and few not so great people. There was one situation that I happened to be dragged into a drama that I had nothing to do with but I was associated with the streamer who I regularly went to. I was very upset that this person made the choice for me when I wanted to stay neutral in that space. In this month, a hearing streamer who I became a good friend decided to reach out to my Deaf friend to see if they play together. Since then, their friendship relationship has bloom and few deaf people are joining in that circle. It makes me wants to scream, ” Yes! ” and just have giggling moment of happiness. This was my goal of introducing my 2 world into one sharing space and just enjoy. Maybe there is something that one person can teach others while others can teach something back. That is what friendship is all about and I’m seeing exactly that right before my eyes.

To my surprise, a Deaf person who I’ve known for several months decided to stream for the first time last night and I legit ran to certain hearing streamers who I knew would help the interaction. The pure shock of this streamer seeing new people saying, ” Oh Amanda brought me here. Hi, how are you” just makes me so happy. There was some comments that hearing people made about me just blows my heart away.

I’ve worked so hard to build relationship because the relationship for me is hard. I have hard time building relationship with people and maintaining that. I’m getting that return and I just… without words. Awe-struck.

Today its August 19th —

I was going through and trying to identifying my emotions. A lot of heavy stuff. There was so many things that was happening one after another and/or happening around the same time.

Quick sum-up of three months …

I’ve gotten a new computer so I could play games on it. My sisters’ father has passed away. There was birth in the family. My best friend’s fiancé recently passed away. In the month of July, I almost went to ER several times because of my health declining. In 3 months span, I’ve gone to several medical related appointments to try to figure out what was happening. Rollercoaster ride with sciatica have continued. My birthday of August 2nd came and went. I also dealt with my Ash’s medical health. There was power outrage due to the storm. Sink holes have appeared in the town and there was some flooding in the areas.

Many of my emotions felt like I was searching for a pity party and quite honestly, I am not. It is giving me a bad taste. There was other emotions intertwine which I had to heavily sort through.

I was terrified leaving my home due to my declining health but I took a trip out of state to visit my best friend for the weekend. I was able to be there and be supportive as I could be. My best friend also got her first tattoo in tribute to her fiancé.

I love this tattoo and it is a very nice tribute, in my opinion. We went out to dinner at Rafferty’s and it was nice setting. The foods there was definitely 5 stars out of 5. It was nice being away from distraction and it was just two of us for only a little while. We had Watermelon Express which I thought was very good. It was a perfect summer drink. I was very glad I was able to be there for my friend when she needed someone’s shoulder to cry on. I love you, besties!

I became several streamers’ moderator through Twitch which I am honored to be asked. My raise awareness on closed captions have continued and the numbers of streamers having their closed captioning is growing.

Out of all of this, I continue to be grateful that my children are healthy and they are alright.

Sorry, I am not in writing mood and just wanted you guys to know I am okay. Just taking one day at a time.

❤