I will admit, I looked around to see what would be a great question to answer and this shows up. Ooh. That is a tough question.

My immediate answer is: Momma.

I can’t exactly remember how old I was when I someday wanted to be a Mom and I actually grew up thinking I wouldn’t be a Mom. I always believe that I wasn’t on anybody radar to be a friend with. Well, I have two beautiful children and I had almost 20 years relationship with this guy who is no longer in my life today. I thank him wholeheartedly for giving me two beautiful children. (Note: I want to acknowledge the parenting of the children upbringing, I cannot speak for him. I can only speak for myself and me only. ) My children are so different from each other and they have some same interests. Their relationships with each other is something I am so proud of because they have stronger relationship with each other than I had with some of my sisters. Its like… I did that. I have had people coming to me saying “Wow, your children are so polite. How did you do that?” Well, I was their role model and I had to display whatever I say, I show the same. For example if I tell my children not to swear then I don’t do it either. You know the motto “Monkey Sees, Monkey Do” I actually made it to my own, “Kids Sees, Kids Do.” and that motto for me worked.

I also applied / poured into my children that quote and they would rolls their eyes at me when they got to pre-teen ages but they still applied it to their life today “Treat Others The Way You Wanted To Be Treated.” I really poured so much of that because I was badly bullied growing up and I tolerated none of that from my children. My children are VERY aware because they did test me and regretted that decision.

Everyone is unique in your own way. Whatever weakest may be someone else’s strongest may help you, and teaches you. Your strongest skills may help others and use that to teach them. That is another one I applied on my children.

So, back to the question, What I like about myself. Ha. Umm. For a long time, I’ve been told I was non-judgemental person but a uptight person. Well, I was uptight because I was being bullied about what I looked like, my upbringing, I was liar, I was paranoid, I was this and that. No one seems to understand I am who I am. There were many times I wasn’t lying. I was only speaking of my own truth and what I saw. I may hear things differently or saw something that you guys did not see. Of course, I may read things (body language, the situation, and of course, conversation) differently than you would have. I am me. Now I sound dumb because I now ask for clarify on things. I now trying to stop assuming things. “Oh, You Know” No I don’t know because your experiences and your point of view is largely different than mine. I don’t know. I want YOU to tell me. So yea, I sounded stupid but honestly, at this point of my life, I don’t care if I sounded that way because I am learning.

I had very limited social life for several years so I was pretty shut off from the world because I either choose to and/or I had limited choices at that time of my life. Social skills are something I will openly admit, I suck. at. it. And I need help. I’m learning daily. As a Deaf person, I can speak but I don’t know how to start the conversation sometimes and/or even control the conversation. I’m just awkward in that area. I’m noticing in the past few couple years but more so, recently now speaking to people outside of my home that I was not very clear on what I wanted to say. I am noticing that I was half-clear and it has cause several misunderstanding which I take accountability for. I do wish people have bring it to my attention. I would very much like people to WANT to clarify things with me to make sure that we are on the same page.

So, what do I like about myself – again, its Mom. I dealt with so much bullying in my childhood from school and even at home. I felt I was pretty push aside at home and events that we, as a family, went to. I am the fifth child and the baby of the five girls so its understandable that they had their lives. As a fifth child, there are several things that I strongly believe plays roles in my relationships and honestly, that shouldn’t have been the reasons. There is good chance that it wasn’t intent to be that way but on my end, I see it daily. Even my own children sees something was off in my relationships and they came to me with their own feelings which validate so much of my growing up. When I expressed those feelings and I was told, that was all in my head and yet, my own children are feeling the same exact emotions I felt. I’ll openly say that I actually cried for them and for myself for dealing with this and we should not have to.

I was searching my own identity. I really did have that black hole .. uhh, a missing puzzle piece that I felt was big enough – bigger than me that I felt was needed to be answered. Few years ago, I found that puzzle piece and I’m happy to report that I felt more calmer. Questions around that piece has the 75 percent answered but if those 25 percent wouldn’t be answered in my lifetime, that is okay because the big question I was searching for is done. Thank you DNA.

Umm.. So, what do I like about myself – ha. I’m just another human being. I’m no one special. Why do anyone wants to hang with me? Honestly, I don’t know. So yea, family and friends – Surprise. I do feel this strongly about myself. This is partly why I’m here away from home to discover myself and I’m on a journey to find me as me. I don’t need my childhood BS to control me. The drama is crap. Seriously, why upset on every bitty things. Spending time with someone you love should be more than that. The anger and the hidden truth … it steals the person and keeping them from who they could have become. It has stole me. For a long time. But I will not deal with the BS. I’m so done with that.

I’m learning to listen more. I’m trying so hard to keep my mouth shut and listen. That is SO much needed in the today world. There are so many people seeking validation. I’m one of them. I admit.

I’m going to stop right now. I’m feeling a lot right now. To my family and friends, I love you. To my children, you are the reason I am still breathing today to the deepest core of my being. ❤ I am proud to be your Momma. I love you.